Costco

Being recently divorced and the primary breadwinner, I have had to make several financial changes to support my small village of expensive dependents – something I am honored to do.  The cost cutting and bargain shopping have sent me down strange new paths, like this whole Costco thing.  I won’t waste much time with this topic as it’s a well worn path in popular culture.  All that said, I am disappointed the math-minded, engineer types, haven’t cracked the code on the Costco theorem.  It has occurred to me that there must be a mathematical way of proving that I don’t save money shopping at this place - which by the way feels like buying groceries in Dante’s seventh ring of hell.  

 

After a recent Costco expedition, I stood in my kitchen admiring my newly purchased jar of pickles which was, by my estimates, the approximate size of an Iowa corn silo.  After eating 30 to 40 pickles I thought, “hmmmm, I just ate 30 to 40 pickles.”   I then opened my Jurassic Park size bag of Cheezits and at the same increased consumption rate – ate Cheezits.  This was followed by a few extra glasses of wine - why not, I got a case.  A few days later I noticed that the garbage bag full of lettuce I purchased was browning a bit and I never did make it to the bottom of my UN famine relief size jar of Mayo.

 

If I could get one of my egghead friends to play with a formula, we could probably prove the Costco savings myth by taking, say…i) increased consumption rate; and ii) wasted food rate, divided by say, saving cost per unit….I know we could crack the code on this thing.  In this process we would probably uncover that the whole operation is run by the Free Masons.  Alright, enough for now, I am off to eat another pickle.  Anyone want a Tootsie Roll? – I have several thousand.

Comments

[Todd Parker]

Hey man,

I have been pinching the pennies too!

Give http://www.bidtopia.com a shot way cheaper then Costco! They have a grocery section too at grocery.bidtopia.com. Good Luck!

[Lori]

Hey! Weren't we dating while you were out in a bar with your Uncle picking up Cougars at age 16??? I will hold this against you forever!!!