Vampires, Witches and Michael Jackson

As Halloween approaches, it seems appropriate that I reflect on the fears of my children and the role my actions may or not play in their blanket clutching nightmares.   Most families will sit around the dinner table this Halloween discussing the various horrifying attributes of mummies, vampires, Bigfoot, and/or witches - at my house we will sit eerily staring at each other, waiting for the next Michael Jackson story.  The King of Pop is the King of Darkness in my house and it’s my fault.

To properly understand this strange situation it’s important to note that I have a unique desire to pay tribute. I am a sucker for a good retrospective or montage and have been known to look for reasons to mourn or propose a toast; ‘A moment of silence to the passing of Gilligan.’ was once uttered by me in 2005 shortly after Bob Denver died. When the Gloved-One passed on in June, I took the liberty of embarking on a weeklong personal retrospective of MJ.  This celebration included sitting my kids down and explaining the importance of Michael and the Jackson 5 – notably leaving out certain sordid details and without mention of Jermaine Jackson or McCauley Culkin. 

So, what better way to expose them to the genius of MJ than the zenith of all music video performances – Thriller.   I hadn’t seen the video since approximately 1990 and from vague recollection thought it might be ‘thrilling’ but not utterly terrifying.   As I dial the video up on TV, Finn (3) and Ella (6) sit with eager anticipation.  Shortly thereafter, silence overtakes the room as the first scene unfolds.

 

Knowing I have just gained 13 minutes, I rush to the washer and dryer to switch the laundry.  As I frantically sort my unmentionables…I continue to notice the disturbing silence in the other room and then, a…blood-curdling scream.  This was not the screech of a girl who had dropped her ice-cream cone but the scream of a teenage girl sitting front row at the Beatles in 1967.   I rush to the room to find Ella in a suspended scream state staring and screaming…and screaming.  I turn to look at the screen and well, it started coming back to me – ‘yes,’ Michael Jackson turning into a werewolf with bulging yellow eyes in the first scene is, in fact, ‘scary’.  Finn is stupefied and rebooting; I imagine his mind is projecting a spinning hourglass followed by two short beeps.  I was able to calm them down by quickly changing our retrospective to an open forum on the greatest achievements of the Wiggles.  Ella then summed up her frustration, “DAD! You shouldn’t show little kids stuff like that!”  I wasn’t sure what was more disturbing – the fact I actually showed them the video or the fact that Ella had determined it her duty to chastise me in the name of little kids around the world – oddly sophisticated. 

I dropped them off at their mom’s place praying they didn’t mention the debacle during the transition.  As I ushered them into the house, I spoke quickly and made distracting observations about their cat and their mother’s cooking skills.  I will hand it to my ex-wife though – after I left it took 2 minutes to piece the story together and send me an email with nothing in the body of the text – only the subject line “Thriller?”.  What more was there to say?

The first three minutes of Thriller has taken up permanent residence in their tiny psyches – like ancient hieroglyphs to be seen in perpetuity on the walls of their little mental caves.  In the weeks to come, shadowy Michael would repeatedly come up in conversation: 

-      Tucking Finn into bed…he monotonely inquires, “Is Michael Jackson going to come get us?” 

-      “No Finn, the Man in the Mirror is not coming for you.” I reply.

-      Ella then proceeds to blankly ask, “Dad, can you check the closet for Michael Jackson.”

 

 

Comments

[Chris]

Funny! There's a paradigm shift for you. As we've shared older [ha!] films with our sons, like "ET", we've been reminded of the creepy parts. Oops.

We moved from the Denver area to Utah a few years ago. Miss Denver, but love the skiing here. Found your blog via a comment at Neil's blog. Just FYI. I'm Chris... nice to meet you.