I went to get a flu shot a few days ago and the nurse kindly gave me the choice between i) a needle sure to send a small tear down my cheek; and ii) a harmless looking nose spray. Are you kidding – that’s a no-brainer, right? Knowing I wasn’t getting poked, I sat gleefully while both of my willing nostrils were misted. Wow, they figured out how to take seeds out of watermelons and now this.
Then I learned the difference between the shot and the mist – I know, I know, I should have asked beforehand. The nurse proceeded to tell me she had sent a ‘live’ virus up my nose - but not to worry because the virus had been ‘weakened’. Weakened? Weakened by what… a 10 day bender, poor healthcare, low blood sugar? Huh? The vaccine, as you know, is different as it has old dead virus carcasses in it….not festering vengeful fellows.
Shortly after the misting, I could feel the virus climbing up my nasal passage and I swear I heard him yodeling – I may have even heard ‘Riiiiccccola!!!!’ - I don’t think sore throats were in his bag of tricks so what did he care. Regardless, he certainly was not ‘weakened’. I envision he had spent the last several months in that little plastic mist bottle doing push-ups, pull-ups and sending secret messages to the outside world that directed hits on the healthy. I also think he was pissed he was even referred to as ‘weakened’. I could feel this stuff eating my brain and ‘yes’, I got sick or at least worked over a bit by him and his friends.
I obviously recovered but I don’t get it – I wouldn’t go to the Congo to get bit by a monkey in an attempt to ward off HIV? I think there should be proof the virus is weakened; like a picture on the label of just how weak the virus ‘in that particular bottle’ is…I want to see him in there with a walker, playing bingo, or pleading for his life with other germ bullies. I don’t want to peer into the mist bottle and see him flexing to show me his ‘mom’ tattoo. Next time, I get the vaccine. <sniff>
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