Had the unique opportunity of taking Finn and Ella to the ‘Ringling Brothers Circus’ on Saturday. Not sure what happened to Barnum and Bailey, I think they must have been sold to Bank of America in the shake-up – regardless, it was noticeable to me.
- Clowns aren’t funny - maybe because I haven’t slept a full night since watching Poltergeist in 1982. I am convinced that most clowns either have a collection of human heads in their basement freezer or are pedophiles. That said, an injured clown is sort of funny and I would also like to ride around on the mini-motorcycle at some point – probably easier to become a Shriner.
- Ironically, the lead clown chastised me for using my cell phone right before the show started. Huh!? You’re a freaking clown man! Next time I am wearing a water shooting flower on my lapel and filling it with Drano to squirt at this guy when he gives me his disapproving clown look. And, ‘yes’ the look was disapproving even with the goofy painted smile. And ‘yes’ this is ironic; for all those silly Alanis Morissette, language nerd, critics out there: rain on your wedding day – not ironic; clowns chastising you for cellphone use – ‘ironic’.
- Has all hubbub around feeling sorry for circus elephants been blown out of proportion? – it’s just a question. If they are so smart they must know it’s a pretty good deal to get handwashed each day, stuffed full of peanuts - and not have to worry about either lions, dried up watering holes, civil unrest or someone hacking off your tusks. One winked at me, I saw it.
- I felt badly for the tigers. Eventually, they will get a hold of that mean little whip snapping Russian dude ordering them around – it’s just a matter of time before they are picking their teeth with his femur. Funny how the lights went out and it was pitch black as they brought the cages in and loaded them into the ring. Even the elephants were like, “man that sucks.”
- I bought lemonade in a plastic thing and it cost me $9. The Ringling Brothers are shrewd bastards. I was offended by this until…(see next bullet).
- Seizure sticks – what the hell is with these plastic toys that have spinning lights and glowing orbs? When did this happen – why do I see these at every public event? When did some sadistic fellow in the Changzhou Province figure out this is just what fat U.S. kids need? Ugh, I had promised Ella and Finn one and upon inquiring into how much the pink princess wand with the spinning, glowing star was….I stood stunned - $20!? We bought two and I had to sit the rest of the show with a plastic spoon in my mouth - just in case I had a seizure.
- The woman spinning from the ceiling on the bed sheets (ala Cirque du Soleil) was warmly accepted by all the fathers in the crowd. Just an observation, the Ringling Sisters wouldn’t have approved.
- There were no small people, dwarves or whatever they are called these days. Not sure why I thought there would be, probably hazy memories of Lalapalooza 94’ mixed up with the Circus.
In the end, they enjoyed it and that’s the goal. Even if Finn slept through two people flying 120 feet after being shot out of cannons – he was smiling on the way home.
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